About MeMy name is Dune Mecartney and I am 14 years old. I live in Pinedale, Wyoming, and I am a a survivor of child abuse. This is my story
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My Story
My name is Dune Mecartney and I’m here to share with you my experiences. I am 14 years old, and I live in the snowy mountains of Wyoming. I am a Boy Scout working on my eagle project. I play center and defensive end for my middle school football team. I enjoy baseball, tennis, pickle ball, and I ski and wrestle. I am also a golfer, and I have played on the Southwest Junior PGA Tour for 2 years. I am a straight A student, and I have taken 7 years of Latin. I am even starting to learn Greek this year. I have two giant dogs and I am an only child. I’ve grown up in a pretty comfortable home, in an affluent community. My parents are both educated and were successful in business.
From an outsider’s perspective, it might look like I’ve had an ideal lifestyle. Private school, vacation homes, regular trips to international destinations, and even flying in jets. We were all good at outward appearances. The dirty little secret that you don’t see, from the outside looking in, is that I am also a survivor of abuse and family violence.
My earliest memory is of my abuser, (let’s call him Mr. X), throwing things off the balcony at my mom and me. Mr. X likes to say that he’s a recovering alcoholic...maybe “recovering” is not quite the right term? He was very good at hiding, lying, making excuses and running away…and that wasn’t just about the drugs and alcohol, it was also about the violence. I witnessed his tantrums, mood swings, denial and abandonment. The pattern of explosive anger, emotional outbursts, screaming and yelling, and abuse, was usually followed by his disappearances, while my mother and I healed. In an effort to save our family, my mom would eventually invite him back. He would show up with absolutely no apologies, but with lots of little blue bags from Tiffany’s in hand. That was his standard cycle of chaos.
Sometimes he left for two or three days, other times he’d be gone for months on end. He was predictably unpredictable.
Over the years, I tried to get help from many different places. I was caught in a serious dilemma. The bind was that I didn’t want to get hurt anymore or to see my mom harmed, but I wanted to see if God would heal my family. I was like any other normal kid, who wanted their parents to work things out and to see a miracle. I started to realize that, maybe things were never going to work out, when Mr. X turned off the electricity in the middle of winter and burst the pipes at our house, cancelled the credit cards so we couldn’t get gas or groceries, and when the injuries started to get more severe. Another red flag was when Mr. X started isolating my mom and me from the rest of our friends, family and our world, even moving our house to more than 45 minutes away from town in a secluded area with no cell phone service.
I developed PTSD. I have panic attacks, regular nightmares, and I throw up and have horrible digestive issues around Mr. X. I became more scared as things escalated. I started to ask for help from my pastors, my grandparents, my friends, my doctors,my school, my therapists, the police and Department of Family Services and ultimately, when my mom finally filed for divorce, from my guardian ad litem and the judge. I wrote numerous letters to the judge asking him to keep me safe and warning him that I fear for my life....all of these were suppressed by the guardian ad litem, who was supposed to represent MY best interests. I even filed an ethics charge against her for not maintaining contact with me or presenting my statements to the judge.
I was shocked to discover that after telling so many people about what was going on, that almost nobody helped me or believed me. I think people had a hard time accepting that a guy that wore a suit, flew an airplane, lived on a golf course and had a good business could hurt his family like that. Let me tell you from experience, abusers come from all walks of life and don’t always live in the ways the stereotype portrays them.
Mr. X counted on me being quiet and I kept that unspoken contract with him long enough. I hoped he would change and things would get better. We got into a serious argument a few years ago and he tried to shut me up forever. It was then, I realized, I was not going to cooperate with the covering up anymore. I was going to use my voice and be heard. Ironically, that month would be the last conversation I ever wanted to have with him...I fear for my life, around him, because I know how far he’s gone. I’m not willing to risk my life around him. I’m not sure why other people are willing to gamble with my life?
Even with a restraining order, it seemed like no one wanted to step in and take a stand for me. Mr. X influenced the guardian ad litem, who met for several hours prior to me talking to two new therapists. One therapist told me she didn’t believe me, before I even told her what happened to me. After hearing my experience being strangled, she told me that it was my mom who was abusive for not paying better attention! Mr. X tried to cut off my ability to even get psychological help from these doctors and he has tried desperately to get ahead of people and discredit me. It felt like I had no where to turn where he didn’t have influence. Corruption seems to have run rampant in my case.
The reason that I have chosen to create a website, for children caught in the cycle of abuse, is to help them effectively report what’s going on, give tips on how to document abuse better and to give them access to tools that I didn’t have. I have a place on my website where kids can blog to each other and share experiences, trials and triumphs. I intend for my website to be an ever evolving site for additional information, articles and referral websites, as these are suggested and shared. Knowledge and information IS power.
I want my website to be a resource for helping kids help themselves stay safe. I want my website to be able to provide education and support for other kids like me. I want to help teach other children about what abuse is, its many forms, how to keep yourself safe and how to get help when you need it and who to tell. I sure wish someone had shown me these things years ago.
I wish I had known that my doctor would call my therapist and they together would discuss in front of me, not reporting the abuse, “to protect me from losing my home and not being put in foster care”. I wish I hadn’t trusted the judge, my guardian ad litem or the custody evaluator and therapists to protect me, and then watch them try to send me to some weird parental alienation camp where I could be whisked away against my will by private transport guards and have custody reversed to my abuser. It seemed like all of the folks who were supposed to protect me, didn’t...and that even included my mother, who has had to turn me over to my abuser after supervised visitations graduated to now unsupervised visits.
The abuse in my home was horrific and I will have to deal with its haunting effects and consequences the rest of my life. The institutional abuse I experienced from the judge, the guardian ad litem, the custody evaluator, therapists and the corrupt system is what was preventable and is totally inexcusable.
Look, I am asking you to stand up for children like me, in whatever capacity you can. Let’s believe children when they tell you they are in danger, and follow through to make sure that they are protected and safe. Let’s make sure mandatory reporters actually report the abuse. I am asking you to document, document, document. I am asking you to recognize abuse comes from people in all shapes and sizes and economic groups. It’s physical, verbal, financial, psychological, sexual, cultural and institutional. This should not be about enabling abusive parents’ rights. This should be about protecting children’s rights to grow up safely. Laws need to change. STOP THE ABUSE!
I am asking you to stand up for us...we need to have a voice and we deserve to have a choice!
Thank you.
From an outsider’s perspective, it might look like I’ve had an ideal lifestyle. Private school, vacation homes, regular trips to international destinations, and even flying in jets. We were all good at outward appearances. The dirty little secret that you don’t see, from the outside looking in, is that I am also a survivor of abuse and family violence.
My earliest memory is of my abuser, (let’s call him Mr. X), throwing things off the balcony at my mom and me. Mr. X likes to say that he’s a recovering alcoholic...maybe “recovering” is not quite the right term? He was very good at hiding, lying, making excuses and running away…and that wasn’t just about the drugs and alcohol, it was also about the violence. I witnessed his tantrums, mood swings, denial and abandonment. The pattern of explosive anger, emotional outbursts, screaming and yelling, and abuse, was usually followed by his disappearances, while my mother and I healed. In an effort to save our family, my mom would eventually invite him back. He would show up with absolutely no apologies, but with lots of little blue bags from Tiffany’s in hand. That was his standard cycle of chaos.
Sometimes he left for two or three days, other times he’d be gone for months on end. He was predictably unpredictable.
Over the years, I tried to get help from many different places. I was caught in a serious dilemma. The bind was that I didn’t want to get hurt anymore or to see my mom harmed, but I wanted to see if God would heal my family. I was like any other normal kid, who wanted their parents to work things out and to see a miracle. I started to realize that, maybe things were never going to work out, when Mr. X turned off the electricity in the middle of winter and burst the pipes at our house, cancelled the credit cards so we couldn’t get gas or groceries, and when the injuries started to get more severe. Another red flag was when Mr. X started isolating my mom and me from the rest of our friends, family and our world, even moving our house to more than 45 minutes away from town in a secluded area with no cell phone service.
I developed PTSD. I have panic attacks, regular nightmares, and I throw up and have horrible digestive issues around Mr. X. I became more scared as things escalated. I started to ask for help from my pastors, my grandparents, my friends, my doctors,my school, my therapists, the police and Department of Family Services and ultimately, when my mom finally filed for divorce, from my guardian ad litem and the judge. I wrote numerous letters to the judge asking him to keep me safe and warning him that I fear for my life....all of these were suppressed by the guardian ad litem, who was supposed to represent MY best interests. I even filed an ethics charge against her for not maintaining contact with me or presenting my statements to the judge.
I was shocked to discover that after telling so many people about what was going on, that almost nobody helped me or believed me. I think people had a hard time accepting that a guy that wore a suit, flew an airplane, lived on a golf course and had a good business could hurt his family like that. Let me tell you from experience, abusers come from all walks of life and don’t always live in the ways the stereotype portrays them.
Mr. X counted on me being quiet and I kept that unspoken contract with him long enough. I hoped he would change and things would get better. We got into a serious argument a few years ago and he tried to shut me up forever. It was then, I realized, I was not going to cooperate with the covering up anymore. I was going to use my voice and be heard. Ironically, that month would be the last conversation I ever wanted to have with him...I fear for my life, around him, because I know how far he’s gone. I’m not willing to risk my life around him. I’m not sure why other people are willing to gamble with my life?
Even with a restraining order, it seemed like no one wanted to step in and take a stand for me. Mr. X influenced the guardian ad litem, who met for several hours prior to me talking to two new therapists. One therapist told me she didn’t believe me, before I even told her what happened to me. After hearing my experience being strangled, she told me that it was my mom who was abusive for not paying better attention! Mr. X tried to cut off my ability to even get psychological help from these doctors and he has tried desperately to get ahead of people and discredit me. It felt like I had no where to turn where he didn’t have influence. Corruption seems to have run rampant in my case.
The reason that I have chosen to create a website, for children caught in the cycle of abuse, is to help them effectively report what’s going on, give tips on how to document abuse better and to give them access to tools that I didn’t have. I have a place on my website where kids can blog to each other and share experiences, trials and triumphs. I intend for my website to be an ever evolving site for additional information, articles and referral websites, as these are suggested and shared. Knowledge and information IS power.
I want my website to be a resource for helping kids help themselves stay safe. I want my website to be able to provide education and support for other kids like me. I want to help teach other children about what abuse is, its many forms, how to keep yourself safe and how to get help when you need it and who to tell. I sure wish someone had shown me these things years ago.
I wish I had known that my doctor would call my therapist and they together would discuss in front of me, not reporting the abuse, “to protect me from losing my home and not being put in foster care”. I wish I hadn’t trusted the judge, my guardian ad litem or the custody evaluator and therapists to protect me, and then watch them try to send me to some weird parental alienation camp where I could be whisked away against my will by private transport guards and have custody reversed to my abuser. It seemed like all of the folks who were supposed to protect me, didn’t...and that even included my mother, who has had to turn me over to my abuser after supervised visitations graduated to now unsupervised visits.
The abuse in my home was horrific and I will have to deal with its haunting effects and consequences the rest of my life. The institutional abuse I experienced from the judge, the guardian ad litem, the custody evaluator, therapists and the corrupt system is what was preventable and is totally inexcusable.
Look, I am asking you to stand up for children like me, in whatever capacity you can. Let’s believe children when they tell you they are in danger, and follow through to make sure that they are protected and safe. Let’s make sure mandatory reporters actually report the abuse. I am asking you to document, document, document. I am asking you to recognize abuse comes from people in all shapes and sizes and economic groups. It’s physical, verbal, financial, psychological, sexual, cultural and institutional. This should not be about enabling abusive parents’ rights. This should be about protecting children’s rights to grow up safely. Laws need to change. STOP THE ABUSE!
I am asking you to stand up for us...we need to have a voice and we deserve to have a choice!
Thank you.
